He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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