Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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