Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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