Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.