FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
