I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
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I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.