So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
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Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My bed smells like the plague