I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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