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• (619): View more from California

  you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

  (716): View more from New York

  do you not see the irony in that??

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

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• (510): View more from California

  I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (310): View more from California

  she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday

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• (475): View more from Connecticut

  Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH

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