ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
