i just wanna soil my oats bro
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
