Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
