You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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