lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
