So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
