i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize