In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
