please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
