I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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