Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
