HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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