i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
