I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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