I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
