I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
