I accidentally had phone sex last night
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
