so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
