did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
