Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
