Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
