there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
this is an emotional support booty call
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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