Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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