Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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