i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
