oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
