At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
