Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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