If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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