this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
