she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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