I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
