you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
