apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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