i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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