so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
