he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
