about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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