Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
