capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
