the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A+ Viking dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
