i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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