The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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