it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
