Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize