dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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