omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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