she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
