I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
