I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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