I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
