Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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