Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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