fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
