I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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