With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
