careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
