So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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