So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
worst night to have a conscience
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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